it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
