my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
