Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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