then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
