great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
