Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
