I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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