i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
