I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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