just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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