Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize