i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
