the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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