Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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