Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
