yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
