She announced her abortion via fbk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
