i don't like sucking hair
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
false alarm, still single
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