I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hippo gnu deer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
