yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
