In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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