Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize