I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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