you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
