I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
