Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
