I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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