I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
