After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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