We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize