Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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