tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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