did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
