Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
