Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
