Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
