Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
