I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
