Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need moral support for this bender
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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