He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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