you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize