moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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