You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
