could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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