there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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