News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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