So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
