I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
