I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
