Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
