Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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