IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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