When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you made out with another girl for some wings
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
