The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Everclear isn't food dammit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
