I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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