i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
