I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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