Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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