you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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