I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
