I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
