You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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