1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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