went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
