i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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