you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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