so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
