I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
