she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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