Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
