He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
