when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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