Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize