I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize