yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
