just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
