he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
