I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
