please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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