Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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